Episode 32 | Despair and Leadership

In Episode 32, we tackle a crucial but often overlooked aspect of leadership—leading through despair and disappointment. As leaders, we often feel the weight of the world on our shoulders, and when life throws us curveballs, it's easy to think that leadership must go on no matter what. But is that really sustainable? How do we manage through tough personal challenges or organizational crises without burning out or losing our effectiveness?

The answer isn't about charging ahead without a pause, nor is it about quietly quitting and doing the bare minimum while in the midst of burnout. It’s about finding the strength to lead through the hardest of times with intention and wisdom. In this episode, I break down three critical strategies for leadership in times of despair:

1. Be Brave Enough to Take a Break

This first point may seem counterintuitive—how can you lead if you take a break? Taking a break doesn’t mean abandoning your responsibilities. It means giving yourself permission to step away, reset, and replenish your emotional and physical energy. There are three essential types of breaks I recommend:

• Mental Breaks: When you’re going through something difficult, your mind needs space to breathe. This means limiting your exposure to nonessential noise. During challenging times, I reduced my time on social media and avoided the distractions of drama-filled news cycles or TV shows. I took time to process what I was going through without adding other people's stress into the mix. I also set boundaries with my phone, answering calls only from close family and friends, and sending text templates to everyone else to let them know I appreciated their support and would get back to them when things settled. This break ensured I had the mental clarity to focus on what truly mattered in that moment.

• Physical Breaks: As leaders, we often feel like we can't afford to step away from our work, but we must. A physical break doesn’t just mean taking time off; it requires planning. After an emergency break—such as responding to a family crisis—it’s vital to schedule a restorative physical break soon after. This break is intentional and fully restorative. It might involve taking a few days off to truly unplug from work and delegate tasks to your team so you can come back rejuvenated and focused.

• Spiritual Breaks: Leadership for me, especially in the nonprofit space, requires a deep level of faith. During moments of loss or disappointment, I turn to God. Pouring my heart out, asking the hard questions, and seeking His guidance gives me the peace and clarity I need to move forward.

Taking these breaks—mental, physical, and spiritual—allows you to be present, not just for your work, but for the people who depend on you as a leader.

2. Be Bold Enough to Ask for Help

Asking for help is one of the most courageous things a leader can do, but it’s also one of the most important. During difficult times, it’s easy to feel like you have to carry everything alone, but the truth is, no one leads in isolation—not even the strongest leaders. Here’s how you can approach it:

• Lean on Your Team: One of the first things I do when I’m facing something tough is to reach out to the most trusted members of my team. I let them know what’s going on and ask for help with specific tasks or responsibilities. Sometimes that means rearranging meetings or delegating tasks that I would normally handle myself. It also means asking my board for their understanding and requesting that we delay difficult decisions until I am able to process everything fully.

• Seek Professional Support: Asking for help doesn’t just stop at work. Leaders should also be willing to seek support outside of their usual networks, including professional help. I recently reached out to my former therapist for a session to work through some difficult emotions. Seeking mental health support is critical for leaders who want to maintain their ability to lead with compassion, clarity, and integrity. Don’t wait until you’re at your breaking point—book that session, reach out to that mentor, or call the person you trust most.

• Enlist Family Support: When life gets overwhelming, your home life may also require adjustments. Maybe you need your partner or family to take over responsibilities—whether it’s childcare, meal prep, or handling other family duties—so that you can focus on your leadership responsibilities or personal healing.

Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but rather a powerful strategy that enables you to lead more effectively, while taking care of your own well-being.

3. Be Wise Enough to Reset

When life has thrown you a curveball—whether it’s a personal crisis, an organizational setback, or a national event—it’s critical to reset. Leadership through difficult times requires reevaluating where you are, what you need, and where you’re headed. This isn’t a time for “business as usual.” It’s time to recalibrate.

• Revisit Your Goals: After a major event, it’s important to assess your goals and make any necessary adjustments. Life doesn’t stop, and neither should your leadership, but it does require you to shift your focus and align your efforts with new realities. You might find that some priorities are no longer as pressing, while others have taken on new urgency.

• Adjust Your Leadership Approach: A reset often means recalibrating your leadership style. Maybe you need to lead with more empathy, or perhaps your organizational culture needs a shift to better support your team during tough times. I recently worked with a client leading a nonprofit focused on DEI work. Together, we devised a new strategy to meet the challenges of a rapidly changing environment. It was a proactive approach—one that prepared them to tackle difficult conversations head-on, rather than waiting to react. This approach not only allowed them to respond to challenges but to rise above them, with renewed purpose and energy.

• Plan for the Future: A reset also means looking ahead. Just like Maya Angelou’s quote, “Still I rise,” you need to rise with renewed clarity, strength, and determination. After taking time to reset, you’ll be better equipped to move forward with boldness and confidence, knowing exactly where your organization needs to go and how to get there.

A reset isn’t a one-time thing. It’s an ongoing process of self-reflection, realignment, and recalibration that allows you to emerge from the crisis stronger, wiser, and ready for the next phase.

If you're facing a tough season, I encourage you to lean into these strategies, and if you need support along the way, don’t hesitate to reach out. Remember, leadership is about resilience, and sometimes the greatest strength is in knowing when to step back and give yourself the time and space to heal.

We’ve got important work ahead. Let's do it with wisdom, courage, and grace.